Healing means that the pain of the past no longer shapes or rules us. As our inner child can finally grow up, we feel a sense of freedom and lightness. We are no longer bound by the people, circumstances, or expectations that shaped our past. We are in control and masters of our destiny.
Signs that your inner child needs therapy
The inner child has finally grown up and merged into your adult persona when:
You will get more confidence
As you have been working on healing, you have come face to face with anxieties and concerns you have had with yourself for almost your entire life. You haven’t completely gotten rid of them, but there are parts of your life where you have gained greater confidence in your ability to speak out and take up the space you deserve.
After completing objectives, decreasing weight, or earning a lot of money, one does not automatically gain confidence. It comes from a place of self-acceptance and an awareness of why we are who we are and how we came to be. It comes from unearthing the amazing aspects of ourselves that have been buried deep inside us, often hidden beneath a great deal of uncertainty.
Read more: inner child workbook
You will develop more patience.
A wounded inner child loves being angry. If your inner child is angry for a long time, it will show anger in harmful and destructive ways.
Understanding your inner child better and connecting the dots between what your inner child has been through and how it reflects what’s happening today will give you more patience. It will give you the space you need (most of the time) to ground yourself, calm down and then think about how to react.
At the very least, if you can’t stop the anger, you will be much better at recognizing where it’s coming from and why it’s hitting you so hard.
You Can Recognize Your Triggers
A trigger causes an intense and usually negative emotional reaction in someone.
Many triggers are situations and individuals that we don’t even recognize have anything to do with terrible experiences in our pasts. But as we dive into these issues, we realize that we’ve dealt with individuals like this or circumstances like this previously. These fresh identical situations bring up the same feelings as before because we never had a chance to understand and accept things.
Without understanding these triggers, we respond emotionally and frequently without knowing why something is so tough to deal with.
You Can Calm Yourself
In humans, self-soothing comes in many forms. We cry it out. We eat, drink, abuse substances, or find strategies that give us comfort quickly and easily.
When you begin to recover, you may notice a change in how you self-soothe. You may decide that crying it out is OK in certain situations, but other situations need talking it out with a friend. Some of you may need to “get it out” and engage in physical exercise to focus on your body.
Whatever your approach, healing teaches you healthy techniques to calm yourself so that you are better prepared to deal with the difficult times that come your way.
You create Boundaries
Boundaries are such an essential aspect of the healing process. Setting boundaries is essential for putting our lives back together for those of us who have been raised to be people-pleasers or grown up in settings where we are expected to bend over backwards and frequently break for others.
Boundaries are also challenging. It is difficult to say no to things you have invested years of your life on via blood, sweat, and tears. It is excruciating to deal with the guilt when people keep trying to push your boundaries and break them down.
But, you find strength. When you know you’re healing, you find ways to keep your boundaries strong, give yourself space, and keep yourself sane and healthy.
You show yourself kindness.
When I was suffering from inner child trauma, I hated myself fully (and I still sometimes do). I would criticize myself every day for my mistakes, even if I had made them years ago. I never let myself forget the small ways I fell off the “getting healthy” wagon or the deadline I missed after years of not missing anything.
I see myself as more human now. I am deeply flawed and always will be because that’s how we’re all made. I will always make mistakes because perfection is not something humans can achieve.
I take some time regularly to try to forgive myself for the things I’ve done in a less than ideal way and send some love inside, just like I comfort and love my family and friends.
